---> I super miss you, Steph. Wish you missed me too.
So yeah. This is already such a rambling post, so I'm just going to let it be good and rambly.
So I miss having God in my life.
And I've just recently started missing the Bible. Normally I'm right around here when it comes to the Bible:
but since I miss God and know that I want to go back to actively feeling like a part of him, I started thinking about the Bible. And I've realized that's not about me missing the Bible, because frankly it's never really jived with me. But it's a whole lot easier to go back to something if there's instructions. A guidebook. A way to tangibly think that you can communicate back and forth with God.
But obviously the Bible isn't for me, but it's just been so weird to realize how ingrained 10 years of Christian school was on me, for me to be like "Maybe...the Bible?" *insert weird looking face here*
So yes. Going back, in my heart. Going to try a Universal Unitarian church one of these days.
But not going back to the Bible. Never going back to thinking that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.
Still believing that there are animals in Heaven though, so a big finger in the air to those of you who like to try and convince people otherwise. Like you're experts on Heaven, geesh.
I feel much more at peace with the idea of having God in my life, because I now know that I don't have to try and find some sort of compromise between Christians who won't accept me (you know, the whole 'only straight is ok' homophobia bullshit) and a loving God that they seem to only believe in sparingly vs the people who are actually ok and like to act like Jesus and not assholes (I think Jesus would have loved everyone. And you know, not been an asshole). So yeah, no compromise needed, because I'm not trying to be either, or fit in with either!
I'm just me.
I doubt I'll go back to believing in Jesus. Or if I do, I'll believe in him as a righteous dude and that's about it.